The blog post earlier this week, Conversations Crucial for Creative Success, generated more private email responses from people than any post I’ve written in years.
Some readers told about overcoming the negative impact of verbal put-downs by parents and other family members. Some blog readers found people in their lives to lack reciprocity: no willingness to make room for a writer’s dreams if it cost them any of the writer’s time or attention. A couple people described the most supportive critique groups imaginable–and their “make or break” value to the unpublished writer. (I would add that they are just as critical after being published. The challenges are different then, but just as tough.)
It Takes All Kinds to Make a World
After reading the posts, I went digging for a quote I had read somewhere. It was something the late Walt Disney said:
“There are three kinds of people in the world. First, there are the well-poisoners, who discourage you and stomp on your creativity and tell you what you can’t do. Then there are the lawn-mowers, people who are well-intentioned but self-absorbed. They tend to their own needs, mow their own lawns, and never leave their yards to help another person. Finally, there are life-enhancers, people who reach out to enrich the lives of others, to lift them up and inspire them.
Walt had his share of well-poisoners and lawn-mowers in his life, but hopefully, he had plenty of life-enhancers too. His creativity produced some of the best-loved movies my kids grew up on and my grandkids still enjoy.
Be Selective
The words of others do have an impact on us, whether positive or negative, so be aware of this. As much as possible, limit the time spent with the doom-and-gloom naysayers in your life (or don’t share your writing dreams with them).
You will know, after a few attempts, which people will support you and who will deflate your dreams. Protect your dreams at every stage of your career from those who, for whatever reasons, are discouraging.
On the flip side of this coin, make a concerted effort to find supportive friends. It doesn’t always have to be another writer who understands “writing issues,” but someone who will simply encourage your dreams. If you find an encouraging writer–or joy of joys, a whole critique group of writers!–consider yourself blessed. Hang onto them for dear life.
Weeding and Feeding
One of the quickest ways to weed out the negative well-poisoners, I’ve found, is to agree with them. “Yes, you’re right! Very few people make a living by writing novels, but I’m still going to try.” [SMILE] “Yes, you’re right. My routines have changed. Now I use my best time in the morning for writing and use my tired brain time later in the day for housework.” “Yes, it’s quite possible that my first sale was a fluke and it won’t happen again. But I love to write, so I’ll keep writing anyway.”
For the lawn-mowers in your life, who focus on their own needs but don’t notice you’d like some help too, it’s easiest to just ignore them. Drop your expectations that they will notice your need and volunteer. Make your writing plans independent of them. If you have small children, write when they sleep or trade babysitting time with another mom or write while the kids have swim lessons. Make plans to carry out your goals as if it only depended on you–because in the end, it does.
For the life-enhancers, the best way to find them is to be one yourself. Go to writing events. Join online writing groups, like the free NaNoWriMo events or those for your special type of writing. (e.g. Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, Mystery Writers of America, Romance Writers of America, American Christian Fiction Writers, Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America.) Join critique groups, or form one yourself.
People for Your Inner Circle
When you meet other writers, encourage them in their writing attempts. Granted, a small number might turn out to be well-poisoner writers. Thankfully, they are few and far between. More will be lawn-mower writers, those who want and need and welcome your encouragement, but don’t give much back.
Hold out for the life-enhancer type of writer, someone who won’t just take encouragement, but give some back as well. These are your keepers. These are the writers you want in your inner circle. These are “your people.” Then you can have those “crucial conversations” needed for your creativity.”