writing challenges

Spiral UP? Or spiral DOWN? Your choice!

Published on by Kristi Holl

For over a year, I’ve been dealing with three difficult circumstances that impacted everything, causing one downward spiral after another. Since I tend to handle things privately, I disappeared from social media. 

But this fall, I felt the urge to get back to thriving instead of simply surviving.

Easy to say, but hard to do!

Self-Examination

I had picked up some escapist survival habits that were more engrained than I first believed. I had great intentions at the beginning of the day; however, failure to follow through happened with regularity (like many times daily). One or two poor choices flipped me into that excuse of “I’ve ruined today, so I’ll start again tomorrow.”

I don’t think I’ve had a perfect day yet where I made good eating choices, writing choices, and relationship choices without fail. And my lightning quick brain finally realized perfection wasn’t EVER going to be possible. Not this side of heaven anyway. But I finally learned something critical that improved every area that needed healing:

Every poor choice is the beginning of a spiral. Like a circular staircase, you can either spiral up or down. You always have two options, and you get to choose.”

Spiral Down Fast

Each day contains at least one poor choice we make. (Often it is several.) A poor choice is one that doesn’t fit your goals. It could be a writing goal, a health goal, a time management goal, or a relationship goal.

A poor choice could be

  • scrolling social media during your writing time,
  • eating two sugary donuts,
  • binge watching TV till midnight, or
  • snapping at your child.

Your first poor choice is your critical choice moment. 

You can make a poor choice and SPIRAL DOWNWARD FAST. Imagine yourself at the top of this twisty slide. One push, and down you go, around and around until you hit bottom.

Practically speaking, what might that look like?

  • You can decide that the day is already ruined when you eat a donut for breakfast. So, you eat junk food and sugar bombs the rest of the day.
  • You feel guilty, so you add binge watching a favorite TV series until you are blotto.
  • You put away your manuscript again to tend to your headache, and
  • give the obstinate child the silent treatment for good measure.

Choice #2: Spiral Up (Slowly but Steadily)

On the other hand, you can make THE VERY SAME POOR CHOICE, then decide to SPIRAL UP SLOWLY, STEP BY TINY STEP, instead. 

You can stop the downward trajectory immediately by taking a small step UP.

  • After your donut, you might brush your teeth or plan a healthy lunch.
  • You might close all the live streaming tabs on your laptop.
  • You might turn to where you left off during your last writing session and re-read the page.
  • You might apologize to the child and hold her on your lap for a minute.
  • You might take a slow, five-minute walk to interrupt your negative thinking.

Continual Choices

Yes, the upward spiral is a slower path, but it’s a steady path of growth. The steps up don’t have to be big at all. And you can take lots of pauses to refresh with a stretch or walk around the yard or enjoy some planned treat with a favorite book.

The downward spiral that comes with several poor choices is a slippery, speedy easy path that comes with a hard landing. But even then, it’s not all over.

Pick yourself up at the bottom of the slide. Choose the upward spiral staircase right away, and just focus on the smallest step right in front of you. And after a pause, when you’re ready, take another step up. And eventually another. 

Every single poor choice throughout your week is just the beginning of a spiral. But whether you spiral up or down is entirely up to you. It really is. Pause. Relax. Breathe deeply. (And if you’re like me, pray for help.)

REMEMBER: the poor choice is the first step in both sequences. The direction (of your day, your week, and ultimately your life) is your CHOICE.

 

Living the 5-Minute Life

Published on by Kristi Holl

I’m too old, I’m too tired, I can’t write for hours anymore… But something won’t let me quit writing! Is there a solution?

Through a lot of trial and error, I found the solution for me: the 5-Minute Life. It didn’t just revolutionize my writing. You can also break a bad habit, or start a good habit, or rest when you’re weary—all in 5-Minute slices of your day.

Solving Problems, 5 Minutes at a Time 

Want to break a habit of overeating at a meal and not stopping when you’ve had enough? After your meal, set your kitchen timer for 5 minutes and do something else. Maybe you’ll still eat more when the timer dings, but many times you won’t. The craving actually disappears in about 90 seconds, according to “habit experts.”

Want to start a new habit? Maybe lift weights, floss your teeth, write on your work-in-progress daily? Set your kitchen timer for 5 minutes, and when it dings, you can quit! Or, if you feel like going longer, you can and often will. (Getting started is usually more than half the battle, and you conquered that. Staying in motion is immeasurably easier.)

What about weariness or those pesky aches and pains? When you realize that your body is protesting, stop and set your timer for 5 minutes. Close your eyes and do deep breathing. Listen to uplifting music, something that soothes your soul. Wander around your back yard and see what’s blooming. You’ll be amazed how much 5 minutes can refresh you. (Just don’t waste it on your phone, email or social media. You’ll feel worse instead.)

“It doesn’t make sense to continue wanting something if you’re not willing to do what it takes to get it. If you don’t want to live the lifestyle, then release yourself from the desire. To crave the result but not the process, is to guarantee disappointment.” ~~James Clear, author of Atomic Habits

WELL, YES . . . AND NO.

Live the 5-Minute Life? How?

“To crave the result [the finished manuscript] but not the process [your writing habits, or eating habits, or sleeping habits, etc.] is to guarantee disappointment.”

I had a suspicion that something was wrong with my process. After floundering, I would have wonderful energetic re-starts, but the older I got, the amount of time I could stick to my writing schedule grew smaller. No matter how you take care of your health, age happens (if you’re lucky) and energy declines a bit each year.

I was sick and tired of giving up, getting depressed over NOT writing, then reading motivational books, praying hard, making check charts for the closet door to keep track of my work hours…and after a week or so, quitting again.

When younger, I could keep a rigorous writing schedule while teaching and raising kids, but not now at 71. I wanted to live the process and love it, but I found myself no longer able. [And it still bugs me to admit this.] Did that mean I had to quit writing books? It was beginning to seem so. 

But, but, but…

What if I could invent a writing process that I COULD fall in love with all over again? When I started writing and publishing in 1983, I had to work my writing around a newborn, a toddler, and a newly adopted boy from Korea who spoke no English. But I found a writing process (writing in bits and pieces) that worked for me then, so I launched my career (while we added yet another baby.) Many of those experiences became my two writing books, Writer’s First Aid and More Writer’s First Aid.

The More Things Change…

. . . the more they stay the same.

I’m no longer scrambling for bits of time in the same way. But getting started writing when not feeling well or when busy with volunteer and grandchildren activities still takes some grit. However, writing or marketing for five minutes is doable for anyone.

Yes, more than half the time, my 5-minute chunks of writing or marketing stretched into 30-45 minutes. Even when it didn’t, though, I was astounded by how much I could do in 5 minutes–just like I had trained myself to do during the baby years. I started giving myself high fives for every bit I wrote. Silly maybe, but it worked!

Where There’s a Will

I stop for different reasons now, of course. It’s not because a toddler fell and cut her lip or a baby needs changing. It is more often the aches in my wrists [shattered left wrist in 2017 and broken right hand in 2019] that crawl up my arms. But while stopping is different, starting is remarkably similar.

Give it a shot and see! Live the 5-Minute Writing Life!

Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results from Atomic Habits

Published on by Kristi Holl

A new book was released officially today that I hope every one of you will buy. A couple of weeks ago, I received and listened to an early audio recording of Atomic Habits by James Clear. And I’m eager to read it when my hard copy arrives today. 

James Clear’s work has been covered by dozens of major media outlets including The New York Times, Entrepreneur, TIME, and on CBS This Morning. His work scientifically backs up his premise that it’s not your goals that help you achieve your dreams. It’s the daily (often tiny) incremental habits of the systems you have in place.

If you’re having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn’t you. The problem is your system. Bad habits repeat themselves again and again, not because you don’t want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change. As Clear puts it,

“I believe that you do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

Practical Advice that Works!

If you want to have a steady writing career or want to accomplish anything that requires daily good behavior, do check out James Clear. I have read his excellent articles for years, including his free 45-page Transform Your Habits: The Science of How to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones e-book. I went through his Habits Academy classes last year, which were excellent.

Atomic Habits is the culmination of his years of studying what works–and what doesn’t–when building habits that will give you the kind of life you yearn for. And he shows you how just like the book’s subtitle says: with tiny changes that yield remarkable results.

 

 

Procrastination is a Symptom, Not the Problem

Published on by Kristi Holl

A procrastination cure: all writers want one!

I’ve read many books over the years on this subject, but none better than The Now Habit by Neil Fiore. I’ve worn out a paperback, I listen to my Audible copy of it as a refresher, and recently I bought a set of Now Habit Motivation Cards.

Why? Because I forget what I know!

So I get stuck, feel overwhelmed, blame myself for STILL dealing with procrastination, and then frequently eat a snack and find something on Netflix. That is, I USED to do this, and fairly frequently too.

Trying Something New to Beat Procrastination

Lately I’ve chosen one card from the motivation pack each morning, read it, then reviewed that card several times throughout the day. It reminds me of things I already know (but have temporarily forgotten), especially the practical “fixes” and easy solutions for my fear and feelings of pressure.

For example, here is the card that sat on my desk all day. I put in a long day copyediting, but I still needed to write a short blog and do one other writing task. I felt overwhelmed, even though what I had left to do wouldn’t take more than an hour. Then . . . I spotted the motivational card propped up against my desk lamp. This is what it says:

Generally we are taught that procrastination is the problem, rather than a symptom of other problems. This diagnosis, instead of directing your efforts toward ending the cycle of pressure, fear, and procrastination, unfortunately makes matters worse by blaming you for choosing such an awful habit. A diagnosis without a treatment plan is almost useless. A more helpful diagnosis would point you toward your next action step: Start now. Do something for five minutes.

And that’s what I did. I spent a few minutes creating a title. That’s all it took. Getting started is the tough part. Everything settled down then, I was able to say what I wanted to say, and the blog post got written.

Remind Yourself of What You Already Know

Getting started is always so much harder than continuing. An object in motion stays in motion (says Isaac Newton’s First Law of Motion), but for most writers, getting that object to move in the first place is the real trick! If that’s your challenge too, I urge you to try The Now Habit (in any of its forms.) It will break through the procrastination and get you on your way. 

Writing in the Yoke: Become an Easy Writer

Published on by Kristi Holl

We are invited to get into the yoke with Jesus to do the writing God has called us to do. (Matthew 11:28-30) This way of working promises ease and rest for our souls. However, writing with ease and a light burden was not my writing experience for 35 years (not since writing changed from hobby-writing in a closet painted orange to a means of keeping a roof over our heads). 

I had my time-tested, never-fail method to meet deadlines (claim Bible verses about strength, grit teeth, white knuckle it and “just do it!” ) However, almost a year ago, my method stopped working. There were many factors. Even before dealing with Covid, life had become one thing piled on top of another to the point that, unless I discovered a much easier writing method, I would need to quit. Retire. Pack it in.

I couldn’t stand the idea. I loved the project I was working on, but something would have to change. One morning I was reading some familiar verses when they suddenly took on new meaning.  

Writing Made Easy

yoke“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For MY yoke is easy to bear, and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

If His yoke was easy to carry, then whose heavy yoke was I in? I needed a new working style. Could I manage to switch yokes? I needed to learn more about yokes.

Equally or Unequally Yoked?

equal yoke

Farmers know that two animals yoked together must be suited to work in tandem.  If one is big and stronger than the other, injury or failure is certain. Deuteronomy 22:10 says, “Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together.” They are different both in strength and temperament.

So, at first glance, the invitation to get into the yoke with Jesus seems unworkable. None of us imagines that we are equally powerful! Actually, Jesus had in mind a different kind of yoke. They were hand-carved to fit the animals perfectly so the yoke didn’t rub and cause irritation, no matter how different the animals were in size or strength.

unequal yokeSo, in Jerusalem at the time Jesus was speaking, a yoke often did join two unequal animals for a specific purpose; one was older or stronger or wiser, and the other was young and inexperienced. The animals were yoked together so that the more experienced animal could teach the younger, weaker animal how to do the work without strain, injury and being burdened down. (A perfect description of Matt. 11:28-30.)

So how would that work for my writing? Could I learn to “write in the yoke” for the rest of my career? These promises gave me hope: “I will give you rest…you will find rest for your souls… my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

So, I have been experimenting with a writing method based on those verses. Could I write without stress and pressure and drama, but still have a peaceful rested soul?Happily, I am learning that the answer can be yes.

Types of Days in the Yoke

For me, writing in the yoke means responding to the Lord’s gentle tug or slight inner pressure to get moving—or to stop. This means writing at the Lord’s pace, because He knows what schedule works best for my health and writing.

There is a learning curve to this. I have three distinct types of “days in the yoke.” Some days my “stubborn donkey” wants to procrastinate, ignoring the tug to get writing. Resisting the gentle pull, I sometimes dig my feet in with determination. I write either with reluctance or downright resistance.

Other days my donkey over-reacts in the opposite direction. I am behind schedule, so letting the bigger animal set the pace feels too risky. I worry that the gentle steady pace can’t possibly produce the words on time! So I try to hurry Him along, push and strain, and check my watch and word count continuously.

Glorious Writing in the Yoke

Thankfully, there is a third type of day, which happens more frequently the longer you practice. These I call the Glorious Writing Days, when I get in the yoke early in the day, stay in it, and start and stop when I feel the gentle tugs and nudges. I don’t clock watch, and I don’t count words till the end of the day. Amazingly, I produce more writing (often lots of it!) but with no ill effects of physical pain or emotional exhaustion. I even quit by 5:00, something I hadn’t done in years! It produces a satisfying, contented tired feeling from being productive without hurting myself.

My experiment with “writing in the yoke” seems to be working. Slowly but surely, I am transforming from a hard-working, burned-out writer to a productive writer who can work with ease. I had prayed for years about improving my health and stamina so I would never have to retire simply because I couldn’t physically do the job anymore. Becoming an “easy writer” appears to be a very big piece of that answer.

[First published August 23, 2020 on the ACFW National website]

Attack of Writer’s Decidophopia

Published on by Kristi Holl

It’s not so easy to put first things first. It’s not even easy to decide what should be first!

I want to write first in my day because so many writer bios of famous successful authors say that’s what they do. They stumble to their offices first thing, in their slippers and carrying coffee, to pound the keys for a couple of hours before breakfast.

I’ve always wanted to write first. I’ve tried accountability partners to accomplish it. Lately I’ve devoured and tried to implement The ONE Thing and The Miracle Morning routines. Both have been valuable, but it hasn’t make it easier to making writing the first thing. I did it for a while, but then other things got out of balance.

First Things First?

Writing first thing in the day isn’t always possible. It depends on your season of life sometimes. So many things vie for first place in your day!

  • For many years, early rising babies and children clamored for my attention first thing every morning, and let’s face it, hungry kids and soaked diapers won’t wait a couple of hours.
  • Even after the kids were older and there was just the dog, he had to go outside very quickly every morning. Waiting two hours for that “first” would have also been disastrous.
  • Some health gurus say exercise first because you’ll never do it later, and it’s critical to your stamina. Others say eat a healthy breakfast first.
  • Still others say you must journal first and dump whatever is bothering you where no one will ever see. (I used to do this using Julia Cameron’s “Morning Pages” when going through a traumatic time.)
  • If you’re an e-mail or Facebook junkie, you may feel checking online must be first since something there might affect the course of your day.
  • Your pastor will suggest that devotional time needs to be first or it will be pushed aside when you get busy. (I do find that to be true, so that is my “first first” of the day.)

There are calls to make and showers to take. They all “need” to be first in your day before you lose control of your time.

Calgon, Take Me Away!

Enter Decidophopia. It’s a term I read in Carol Rottman’s writers in the Spirit. Here’s how she describes it:

Every morning from those early stirrings in bed of sluggish body and scattered mind, I must make some choices. What first? What next?…As I face my desk each day, I know I’ve got [Decidophopia]. I must decide, but I am afraid. To make one thing first pushes everything else lower on the list. My desk is usually covered with notebooks and loose paper in stacks–each one a ‘should.’

Do You Have Decidophopia?

When my children were small, I didn’t have decidophopia. There simply were few choices! The kids’ needs came first. The writing stuff came later–often much later when they were down for afternoon naps.

Years down the road, when the kids were in school and then grown, Decidophopia set in. Suddenly I had some choices. Even with teaching part-time, I could schedule most of my days however I wanted.

Choices! Choices!

I learned fairly quickly that I love structure. “Going with the flow” every day actually fed my Decidophopia and made it worse. Making that “what next?” decision every hour or so resulted too many times in cruising on out to the kitchen for a snack or reading e-mail. As boring as it may sound to many people, I now have a written list for my important daily stuff and habits. I like order.

My devotional time comes first. My exercise comes next if the weather is decent enough–otherwise it comes at noon. My healthy breakfast is next. And the writing comes next. It’s my first work of the day, but it’s not the first thing I do.

But unless you live on an island alone, you have to be flexible when you can’t write first. For example, I got up early to write today before my granddaughter came. Now I’m blogging while she is down for a nap. Since she staying overnight, I can almost guarantee we’ll take a trip to the pond in the early morning to see turtles before I get any writing done.

No One Right Way

What’s your routine like? Or do you have one? Are there so many “important firsts” vying for your attention each day that it’s hard to get started? Are you able to be flexible and “go with the flow,” or do you need more structure?

I love hearing how other writers work. We’re all so different and there’s certainly no “one right way.” If you have a day job, a spouse, a home, and/or children, you must decide to write. It won’t just happen.

How do you decide which first things come first?

Books for Discouraged or Overwhelmed Writers

Published on by Kristi Holl
Young overwhelmed woman.

During the summer, when trying to stay above the health issues and do things with my grandkids and keep up with a few strict publishing deadlines, I read two books that were especially helpful.

I found I was fighting on a regular basis two discouraging ideas.

One: what had happened to my “dream” novel, the novel of my heart, while dealing with all these other urgent things? It had floundered.

Two: how could I get a handle on everything that had piled up and still get back to my dream novel? [I had a conference coming up where I had signed up to pitch my novel to an editor and agent. If “life” hadn’t interfered for months, I could have easily had it finished.]

As so often happens with me, my prayers for help led me to a book. Or, in this case, two books. One fed my soul with encouragement. The other gave me the practical help and coaching that I needed to get perspective. I don’t believe in re-inventing the wheel if someone else has already solved a problem and written about it. Maybe one or both of these books will help you too.

The Dream Giver

This book inspired me at a time I needed to know that my dream of the last five years wasn’t dead or dying, but meant to be. The Dream Giver: Following Your God-Given Destiny by Bruce Wilkinson has been a bestseller for many years. Here’s the back blurb (and yes, it’s a Christian book.)

“Are you living your dream? Or just living your life? Welcome to a little story about a very big idea. This compelling modern-day parable tells the story of Ordinary, who dares to leave the Land of Familiar to pursue his Big Dream. [Note: it follows the ups and downs of achieving his dream. I could identify with all the stages!] You, too, have been give a Big Dream. One that can change your life. One that the Dream Giver wants you to achieve. Does your Big Dream seem hopelessly out of reach? Are you waiting for something or someone to make your dream happen? Then you’re ready for The Dream Giver.”

Growing Gills

This book was recommended to me by a blog reader who gave such a rave review of this book that I had to check it out. I’m so glad I did! Growing Gills: How to Find Creative Focus When You’re Drowning in Your Daily Life by Jessica Abel is so very good. Don’t you love that title? Jessica also has a great blog. ( Click and scroll down.) Growing Gills comes with a free workbook you can download and print out, which I did, and then work through the exercises to do what her title promises. Here’s part of  the blurb:

“Go from overwhelmed, anxious, and stuck, to consistent, clear, and in control of your creative life. If you feel like you’re floundering in the deep end (Not waving, drowning!), and anxiety over the complexity and enormousness of your creative projects overwhelms you, stop scrambling to fit everything in and feeling stretched thin.

Dive Deep and Swim

  • Sustain the energy you feel when thinking of how awesome your projects could be.
  • Value your own creative work as highly as work you do for other people.
  • Build a reusable structure and process that will consistently get you to the finish line.
  • Blast through your stuck-ness.
  • Finish. Move on to the next project.

You’re a creative person. Even if you have a hard time calling yourself a “writer” or an “artist” in public, making your creative work is core to who you are and how you see the world. You may be harboring a big, ambitious idea for a project. Possibly a lot of them. And it’s killing you.

You lie awake thinking about it…and hating yourself for not doing more to make it real. And then in the morning you’re exhausted, and you can’t believe you “wasted” more time on this stupid idea. Whoever told you that you were creative anyway? You try to shove your idea away, to forget it. But your creative work is what keeps you sane. You can’t not do this. So you live with guilt and anxiety all the time.” [If you follow the workbook as you read her book, this can be a thing of the past.]

 

Uncluttered Office Equals Focused Mind

Published on by Kristi Holl

Are you ever overwhelmed by clutter (even good clutter)?

This will be primarily a photo sharing blog post—and you can skip to the last half of the post if you want to—but I want to share what prompted my office decluttering project.

I have a small 10-foot X 10-foot office which holds a treadmill/desk, a computer desk, a large table, and nine bookcases. 

Plenty of room for books, right?

You’d think so, but I also had books stacked everywhere, and no place to work or spread out research and papers. I have writing deadlines I must meet this summer, but I couldn’t settle down to work in my terribly cluttered office.

What To Do When Life Happens: Buy Books!

Since January when I broke my hand, followed by a couple of eye surgeries, things have piled up in my office. The rest of my house is junk free (other than closets and pantry), but I struggle with my office. Especially considering my bargain book-buying habit.

Lately, I’ve avoided my office, but there’s no other good place in my house to work. The chairs elsewhere hurt my back. There’s noise (even though I have a quiet husband). And my reference materials are stored in the office.

I thought my trouble was focusing as I’ve tried to get a grasp on my writing time since returning from vacation. But when reading I Was Busy, Now I’m Not by Joseph Peck, I was struck rather forcibly by this statement:

“There are two things to organize—your time and your space… Removing clutter from your physical environment helps you think more clearly and brings more peace. Getting organized is crucial to the matter of redeeming the time.”

Where Do I Start? Unclutter 101

I had tried to straighten up my office many times, but I simply had no room for everything, especially the books I had collected for the last 25 years. What to do? As when dealing with any issue, I figured there was help available “out there,” and so there was. I found the Becoming Minimalist website and signed up for a 12-week Uncluttered course. I thought that surely, with the help of videos and weekly email pep talks, I could bite the bullet and get my office functional again.

One weekend and fourteen fewer bags of books later, it looks terrific. (See the contrast below.) All the book shelves are still full, but the floors are clear, I can see the treadmill again, I re-discovered so many unread books, and I can find things! Five bags of books were donated to the Book Cellar downtown for re-sale, and nine bags of books went out in the trash. (I mark up all my nonfiction and scribble notes all over the margins, and no one wants them for re-sale.)

Saying Good-Bye to Friends

I grieved, truly, as I parted with my books. I glanced in many of them, noting the dates and messages in the margins which reminded me of what I was dealing with at the time. Those writing books and self-help books chronicled my various recoveries over the years, and those books were like my friends. Those authors and their support or advice were always at my fingertips. If only I could have kept them all!

Here are the before and after photos of various parts of my office. There are many British photos and mementos from my trips to England, and yes, my mini Christmas tree with the British ornaments stays up all year. I love my office now and can’t wait to go in there in the morning. The minute I sit down at my cleared-off desk, I actually feel focused. And I am still surrounded by a ton of books, which makes me really happy.

If you need to do this too, I hope you bite the bullet. You may find that it’s the only cure you need to give yourself instant focus.

BEFORE and AFTER Removing the Clutter

   

   

 

   

 

For other ways to focus, try some of these articles.

When Your Writer’s Personality is Rejected

Published on by Kristi Holl

The post below about a writer’s personality ran six years ago, and something happened this past week that reminded me of how much we need other writers. I am blessed to have two such people as close friends: one who is my age and in relatively the same stage in life, and one who is 15 years older, who has weathered tougher times than I have and still kept her marvelous sense of humor. I hope to be like her someday. However, the first 2/3 of my writing life wasn’t like that, and I felt truly alone in this venture. If that sounds like you, read on (including the comments which I saved.) When I say that “we’re all in this together,” I mean it.

*******

If you’ve studied personality types, you may have noticed how many writers have a good dose of the Melancholy Temperament.

Some of the signs:

  • You’re sensitive to your own feelings plus the vibes given off by others.
  • You notice things that go over the heads of others.
  • You love solitude—and need it to feel sane and calm.
  • You like to think, and think deeply.
  • You may be more of an observer at parties, avoiding the limelight if possible.

All those traits help your writing immensely. Other writers will love those traits in you.

Unwelcome Personality

Be warned, however. Many people in your life won’t like some of your creative personality. When that happens, it will feel like another form of rejection.

I was reminded of this when re-reading a terrific book called The Soul Tells a Story by Vinita Hampton Wright. Here’s what  the author has to say about this:

“My gifts were always welcomed and encouraged in my family, church, and school communities. What was not welcomed was the personality from which those gifts spring. I was moody, easily depressed and extremely introverted. I had no social skills, was too honest when I talked, and didn’t know anything about flirtation or other forms of politics.” She added that she had “an overriding sense that people didn’t accept me as I was. I would be told to stop having a long face, that I should smile more, that I should be more outgoing…that to be inward was to be self-centered.”

If you have some Melancholy Temperament, and you also grew up in a dysfunctional environment, your personality traits may be even more pronounced.

Finding a Kindred Personality

I could really identify with Ms. Wright’s words. All my life I’ve been told that I think too much. So my best friend (a non-writer) shocked me when we first met. She said, “I like that you read a lot and think deeply.” She does too—and we bonded for life! You need to have such kindred souls in your life–even one will do.

I’m not saying we never need to change. And I’m not suggesting that you announce to your family “I’m moody because I’m a writer, so get over it” or snarl “Go away and leave me ALONE because I’m an introvert” or tell people off because you are honest.

On the other hand, stop tying yourself into a pretzel to be what someone else thinks you should be.

Be Grateful for Your Writer’s Personality

I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to “undo” my writer’s personality, not realizing what it was (or that it was part of a gift). You may find that there are few people that you can be your unvarnished self with. (I am blessed with a best friend, a dear sister, and another writer who let me relax and say whatever is on my mind and never judge or reject me. If you have even ONE person in your life where you can do that, you are blessed.)

With everyone else, I tone down the tell-it-like-it-is honesty, and I smile whether I want to or not. I developed social tricks to get others to talk so I didn’t have to. I’ve dumped my “unacceptable” feelings into journals for nearly thirty years.

I might not be as brave as some of you. Or maybe I’m just old enough to be too tired to deal with people who don’t understand me and don’t want to try. It stirs up exhausting discussions that go nowhere. I’d rather save that energy for my writing.

Put Your Writer’s Personality to Good Use

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t stuff things till I implode. (I used to–bad for the blood pressure!) Instead, I pour those in-your-face honest feelings into my fiction and nonfiction. I let characters say things I don’t say anymore. I tend to create characters that feel like they’re out of the mainstream socially. And I love characters who are sensitive and probably think too much.

Ms. Wright says: “Creativity takes you places that are weird to others. Don’t be surprised when others reject you for being different, asking too many questions or expressing yourself in ways that are unfamiliar to them.”

You’re not alone if you get this type of reaction fairly often. Just be sure to hang out with people—like me—who will value your writer’s personality. They’re out there. Look for them, and don’t stop till you find one. I was in my late 30s before I found a truly kindred soul.

When you find someone who likes your writer’s personality, you may find out that they’re undercover writers as well. If so, you’re doubly blessed.

If you’ve ever felt this way, please leave a comment! You’re among friends here! [NOTE: I understand that a security issue has blocked comments. I have a “work order” into Sucuri to get it fixed, in case you try to post and can’t. Argh!]

ARGH! I’ve Done It Again

Published on by Kristi Holl

As I announced before the holidays, I planned to take a break from social media for a month. I did that, and soon I will write about some of those results.

But lately I’ve received several emails asking if something was wrong and why I didn’t resume the blog in January. 

Well, it’s because I did it again.

History Repeats Itself

Less than two years ago I tripped and fell in the backyard, breaking my wrist in four places. Healing involved being in three different casts for three months, then learning how to type all over again due to a frozen wrist.

This time my accident was much less serious, but when I fell in early January, I broke my right hand (and I’m right-handed). The first picture below I got off the Internet. It shows which bone is broken, but mine broke in three pieces instead of two. 

At first, I couldn’t move my arm, wrist, hand, or fingers. Now I’m in a removable cast and can wiggle my fingers and shower without a plastic bag!

                                    

Online . . . Sort Of

For several weeks, I answered email and completed copy-editing projects typing with my left index finger. You can imagine how long it took. Occasionally I use my Dragon NaturallySpeaking software, but unless you are writing a rough draft, I haven’t found it terribly helpful, at least not during the book editing phase I am working on.

As you can see, I’m getting around just fine. Last week I was even able to accompany my youngest daughter’s family on a trip to Washington, DC.

I had never been there before, and it was so very inspiring. We toured about a dozen museums and government buildings, but my favorite was the Lincoln Memorial.

Any Tips?

Thank you for the kind comments I received in the email and on Facebook. If any of you are prone to falling or have very breakable bones, please send me any tips you have for avoiding falls. I have done the obvious things, like making the shower safe and putting nightlights in every room of the house, but I’m sure there are lots more things I could be doing so this doesn’t happen again.

I plan to be back to the blog very soon. Next week I get my hand x-rayed again to see if it is mending. If the bones are starting to stick together, I can avoid surgery for sure. I also have cataract surgery next week, which I am very excited about. Very soon I should be able to type again and actually see the keyboard without squinting! I can’t wait!