overwhelmed

Spiral UP? Or spiral DOWN? Your choice!

Published on by Kristi Holl

For over a year, I’ve been dealing with three difficult circumstances that impacted everything, causing one downward spiral after another. Since I tend to handle things privately, I disappeared from social media. 

But this fall, I felt the urge to get back to thriving instead of simply surviving.

Easy to say, but hard to do!

Self-Examination

I had picked up some escapist survival habits that were more engrained than I first believed. I had great intentions at the beginning of the day; however, failure to follow through happened with regularity (like many times daily). One or two poor choices flipped me into that excuse of “I’ve ruined today, so I’ll start again tomorrow.”

I don’t think I’ve had a perfect day yet where I made good eating choices, writing choices, and relationship choices without fail. And my lightning quick brain finally realized perfection wasn’t EVER going to be possible. Not this side of heaven anyway. But I finally learned something critical that improved every area that needed healing:

Every poor choice is the beginning of a spiral. Like a circular staircase, you can either spiral up or down. You always have two options, and you get to choose.”

Spiral Down Fast

Each day contains at least one poor choice we make. (Often it is several.) A poor choice is one that doesn’t fit your goals. It could be a writing goal, a health goal, a time management goal, or a relationship goal.

A poor choice could be

  • scrolling social media during your writing time,
  • eating two sugary donuts,
  • binge watching TV till midnight, or
  • snapping at your child.

Your first poor choice is your critical choice moment. 

You can make a poor choice and SPIRAL DOWNWARD FAST. Imagine yourself at the top of this twisty slide. One push, and down you go, around and around until you hit bottom.

Practically speaking, what might that look like?

  • You can decide that the day is already ruined when you eat a donut for breakfast. So, you eat junk food and sugar bombs the rest of the day.
  • You feel guilty, so you add binge watching a favorite TV series until you are blotto.
  • You put away your manuscript again to tend to your headache, and
  • give the obstinate child the silent treatment for good measure.

Choice #2: Spiral Up (Slowly but Steadily)

On the other hand, you can make THE VERY SAME POOR CHOICE, then decide to SPIRAL UP SLOWLY, STEP BY TINY STEP, instead. 

You can stop the downward trajectory immediately by taking a small step UP.

  • After your donut, you might brush your teeth or plan a healthy lunch.
  • You might close all the live streaming tabs on your laptop.
  • You might turn to where you left off during your last writing session and re-read the page.
  • You might apologize to the child and hold her on your lap for a minute.
  • You might take a slow, five-minute walk to interrupt your negative thinking.

Continual Choices

Yes, the upward spiral is a slower path, but it’s a steady path of growth. The steps up don’t have to be big at all. And you can take lots of pauses to refresh with a stretch or walk around the yard or enjoy some planned treat with a favorite book.

The downward spiral that comes with several poor choices is a slippery, speedy easy path that comes with a hard landing. But even then, it’s not all over.

Pick yourself up at the bottom of the slide. Choose the upward spiral staircase right away, and just focus on the smallest step right in front of you. And after a pause, when you’re ready, take another step up. And eventually another. 

Every single poor choice throughout your week is just the beginning of a spiral. But whether you spiral up or down is entirely up to you. It really is. Pause. Relax. Breathe deeply. (And if you’re like me, pray for help.)

REMEMBER: the poor choice is the first step in both sequences. The direction (of your day, your week, and ultimately your life) is your CHOICE.

 

Getting Unstuck after 2020

Published on by Kristi Holl

After losing two family members in the pandemic, I had a month-long severe reaction this spring to my second Covid shot. When I resurfaced, feeling practically comatose, I was behind on one Christmas mystery book deadline and a novel (set in 1850s England.) None of my decades-old “get started” techniques worked, which induced a near panic.

But one day I heard a podcast. (Details are included at the end.) Did you know that we have 60,000-70,000 thoughts per day? Roughly 95% of the thoughts are repetitive and unconscious. Only 5% of our daily thoughts are conscious and new. The negative ones, both conscious and unconscious, keep us stuck.

“Be transformed by the renewal of your mind,” the Bible urges. To do that, we need to first notice the conscious negative thoughts that keep us stuck. (Mine included “I’m too old for this.” “There’s not enough time.” “I’m too tired to even start.”) Then you grab a pencil and paper and ask yourself the following questions.

Unstuck with Five Magical Questions

  1. If I feel overloaded, what would it take for this task to be easy? What would have to change for this situation to be simplified? I asked this when I felt overwhelmed, whether I needed to outline my cozy mystery or put away Christmas decorations. Sometimes the answer was to cut the goal into tiny pieces to make it easy. Or I deleted the task, or delegated it, or postponed it because it wasn’t critical. Sometimes I  rearranged my schedule to eliminate overload. (I felt every bit as overloaded as this sheep!)
  2. What is an improvement I’m willing to make? The smaller, the better, if you want to get moving quickly. Maybe I can’t write for an hour, but I’m willing to write ten minutes. I can’t walk three miles today, but I’m willing to walk around the block. I don’t want to stick to my diet today, but I’m willing to cut this candy bar in half. Small steps lead to larger ones.
  3. What perspective would I need in order to feel different? I use this question when I want to change my fearful, doubtful, or pessimistic mood. My change in perspective often includes a particular Bible verse that speaks to my need. Then I can look at my situation from a better point of view instead of my own limited one.
  4. In this particular situation, where do I need to be a little more patient, and where do I need to push a little harder? I ask the question, sit quietly, and listen. You’ll know if you need to rest more and be patient with healing, or if you actually are loafing and need to push yourself a bit.
  5. What is the difference between a true solution and a distraction? When I’m tired or discouraged, what actually renews my energy, a nap or a pint of ice cream? When I’m behind on a deadline and fighting panic, is watching a British movie a solution, or is it a distraction? The real self-care task isn’t always the most appealing choice. But it will be a true solution.

Questions for Every Season of Your Life

These powerful questions turned out to be so helpful that I taped the list in several places: beside my computer, in my daily planner, and in my prayer journal. They help me every day—not just in my writing, but in my food choices, exercise, home care, and when my grandkids are here.

Questions are a great way to use the 5% of our thoughts we have control over! Bring God into the process. Then the answers you receive will fit your personality, goals, and season in life.

More Help to Get Unstuck

(Taken in part from “Ten Questions that Change Everything” by Primal Potential podcaster, Elizabeth Benton; my post was first published on the National ACFW blog.)

Blasting Off: Reclaiming a Daily Writing Habit

Published on by Kristi Holl

I launched my writing rocket 35 years ago. With a daily writing habit, it took off and kept my career orbiting, despite getting off-course sometimes and necessitating a re-calculation. In theory, a re-launch would never be required. 

But the last couple of years have wreaked havoc with my writing routine. Breaking my left wrist in four places, learning to type again, losing my mom, breaking my right hand in two places, two eye surgeries (one of which went awry), and a couple other major life “events” meant that I have spent the last few years learning how to start again . . . and again . . . and yet again. 

Why So EXHAUSTING?

Thank you to each one of you who wrote to ask if I were okay. I really appreciated that. I knew that I both needed and wanted to get back to blogging. First, I needed to face the fact that I’d replaced my iron-clad writing routine with a “maybe I will, I’m so tired, maybe I won’t write today” attitude. That needed fixing first. I had succumbed to Newton’s first law where objects at rest tended to stay at rest!

I tried to get back into my former writing routine (devotions early in the morning, followed by a time block of four hours for writing). Even with my mental flogging, I could only manage that routine for a few days. Then I cut back to two hours, then half an hour, and then gave up altogether for three or four days.

I had no energy for it! But why? I was happy when writing, but instead of energizing me again, it wore me out now! That really worried me.

Pull of Inertia Vs. Lift-Off

The answer came when I was listening to a podcast last week. Someone mentioned how much energy a rocket needed for lift-off. Did you know that 70% of the fuel on board a rocket is used up during take-off, trying to escape the pull of the earth’s gravity? Seventy percent! The rest, a measly 30%, is all that is needed to get to the moon and back (or wherever the rocket is headed) once the rocket is up to speed.

A light bulb went on when I heard that. Getting started with my writing routine again seemed to take so much energy each time. Apparently it wasn’t my imagination either. I always knew that getting started was the hardest part, but now it made sense why. It took more than half of my energy! I was in the habit now of sitting, not writing, or watching Britbox mysteries, not writing.

So it was no wonder that, after overcoming my inertia, I had little energy left for writing.

Blast Off? Who’s Kidding Who?

Did you ever notice how S-L-O-W those rockets lift off? They don’t blast off! They make lots of noise, raise lots of dust and smoke, shake and shimmy, and barely move an inch or two. Then more noise and dust, and they lift off six inches, then a foot. But it takes a lot of noise and effort and time to reach any kind of speed or escape velocity.

And that is exactly how we “lift off” again when our daily writing habit has been disturbed a few times. We shake and shimmy, make noise and smoke, burn more than half our energy, and lift off an inch at a time. But we DO lift off!

A Daily Writing Habit: Give It Time

If my theory was right, I knew what to do. I tried something new.  I granted myself the grace to admit how much energy it took to get started again. If actually sitting down and creating words out of thin air again was going to take 70% of my energy, then I wouldn’t expect my remaining 30% to produce four solid hours of writing.

No.

Instead, I expected to write one full hour with my remaining energy. That mini goal equaled a very successful day. I’ve followed that routine all week, and I’ve succeeded five days in a row so far. Actually, today I went beyond the hour because I still had some energy left. I doubled my daily word count, in fact, but was no more tired than yesterday after one hour.

THIS IS THE POWER OF HABITS, in my opinion. That is why I aim to write daily from now on. I never want to get back to the place where simply attaining “lift off” takes 70% of my energy. With a daily writing habit, you slip into it almost without effort. That leaves about 95% of your energy–NOT 30%–for your writing.

And that’s the kind of magical writing day that leaves you more energized than you began.

I’m Overwhelmed! Where Do I Start?

Published on by Kristi Holl

I got home from England late Sunday night after being gone a month. I don’t sleep on planes, plus I ended up delayed in London overnight because of fog. So by the time I got home, I was still operating on UK time and had had only ten hours sleep total in three nights.

The following morning, as I surveyed the month’s worth of mail (mine filled a large grocery bag), plus the suitcases, the boxes I’d mailed ahead, a calendar filled with events and appointments this week, and the cleaning that beckoned for attention (my husband had returned three weeks earlier to go back to work) . . .  well, overwhelmed was a good descriptor for my sluggish brain.

Back to the Real World

So I did what every good writer does at times like these. I checked email. While this has not been terribly helpful in the past, this time I discovered an unread blog post that cleared my mental fog. It pointed me in the right direction and set me on a productive course for the day. It was called “A Better Life Begins With Clarity,” written by the mini-habits authority, Stephen Guise.

Cut to the Chase

In the article, Guise asks one pertinent and powerful question that will help anyone who is overwhelmed. (I won’t tell you what it is, in the I hopes that you’ll click over and read his entire short article.) The question cut through my mental fog immediately! As he suggested, I asked myself the question throughout the day as I tackled one thing after another—and also when it was time to rest periodically. It broke the log jam of overwhelmed thoughts.

In coming posts, I will share some things I learned and did the three weeks of my research trip when I was alone in England. It turned out to be even better than my hopes and expectations, which were plenty high. But that’s for my next several posts. In the meantime, as the picture indicates above, I need to close some more “open tabs” today. [By the way, I couldn’t find an attribution for the image above, nor could I find if it was copyrighted. If any of you know, please pass along that information in the comments.]