fears

Facing Your Creative Fears (Part 2)

Published on by Kristi Holl

(First read Part 1 of “Facing Your Creative Fears.”)

3. Third, if your fears are real, face them squarely and deal with them. Do you really lack sufficient writing skills? If so, enroll in a course. Study writing books on your own. Analyze the books you love best to see how those authors did what they did. Take a public speaking course if you want to be a storyteller or give talks for groups. Take an assertiveness course or get help for your codependency if nasty family members really are holding you back from trying.

Work to improve, but don’t get caught in the “perfection trap” by accident. “It is indeed important to strive for excellence in creative endeavor,” says Thomas Kinkade. “It’s important to grow in skill, improve technique. But if we make a god of perfection, we risk pushing ourselves into a creative desert. We’re afraid to try because we’re afraid we won’t be good.”

Feelings of Fear are Real

“But I am afraid!” you say, terror creeping in around the edges of your voice. I know you are. I’ll tell you a secret. We all are. We wear masks to hide it, but we all deal with the fear of writing. How? We learned, finally, to do the writing afraid. We learned that fear didn’t have to stop us, that most things we could go ahead and do whether we were scared or not.

We research, even if we’re afraid our idea is overdone. We write rough drafts, even when we’re afraid the whole thing stinks. We submit to publishers, even though we’re afraid that editors cringe when they spot our name on a manuscript. Of course, the magic finally occurs. After many, many repetitions, the fear disperses. It almost disappears.

Just don’t imagine that you can eradicate all your writing fears. As Ralph Keyes wrote in The Courage to Write, “Finding the courage to write does not involve erasing or conquering one’s fears. Working writers aren’t those who have eliminated their anxiety. They are the ones who keep scribbling while their heart races and their stomach churns, and who mail manuscripts with trembling fingers.”

A Writer’s Job Description
Susan Jeffers wrote a book some years ago called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. The title says it all. It’s okay to feel the emotion of fear; it doesn’t mean we have to turn tail and run.

I’m a great believer in Mini Habits, with teeny tiny goals (such as, “I will write for five minutes today.”) I feel no resistance to writing for five minutes, so it takes no motivation or willpower to do it. And, of course, it often goes way beyond five minutes. This would help many of you too. The act of writing would dispel many of your fears. If you could see my office, you’d notice the four signs I have taped up that say in big, bold letters, “Work! Don’t worry. Inaction feeds worry. Action attacks worry.” Yes, even five minutes of writing will do so.

Do It Today!

Don’t stay frozen. Tackle those fears. Start small. Celebrate each baby step taken as a victory. Don’t hesitate to ask people for advice and encouragement. Study books. Listen to audio tapes. Read articles. Make banners or posters for your office. Leave Post-It notes on your computer. Use every means possible to remind yourself that you can conquer the thing that you fear. You’ve conquered fears in the past, and you can do it again! Don’t let fear stand between you and the writing career of your dreams.

Facing Your Creative Fears

Published on by Kristi Holl

“Every tomorrow has two handles,” Henry Ward Beecher once said. “We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.”

I’ve been thinking about this while hostessing the October and November writing challenges and reading between the lines of some questions and comments.

It’s a Choice…Really!

All our writing tomorrows give us that very same choice: fear or faith in our creativity. Do we face our blank computer screens or empty tablets with fear or with faith? Faith encourages us and spurs us on. Fears paralyze—and need to be dealt with.

Writing anxiety comes in many forms and develops for a variety of reasons. If we harbor writing fears, how can we identify them, eliminate them, then regain faith in our writing tomorrows?

Dealing with creative fears generally involves a three-part process.
1. First, identify the fears. Otherwise you’re only shadow boxing. What are you afraid of? That your ideas are stupid or overdone? That you don’t have the talent to be a published writer? That your friends or family will ridicule you when they find out what you’re trying to do? That you’ll be rejected? That you’ll be wasting your time, that being a writer is just a dream that will dissolve in the face of reality? That you’ll never be more than a mid-list author on the brink of oblivion?

Writers have many fears, and this takes many new authors by surprise. “It’s a vital thing to remember both as creative people and those who have the opportunity to nurture the creativity in others: Creativity requires courage!” said Thomas Kinkade in Lightposts for Living. “It takes courage to push ourselves off center, to think in nonstandard ways, to journey outside the ruts. It also takes courage to resist the pressure of those who very much prefer to walk in those ruts.”

2. Second, if your fears are just myths, debunk them. Write down and study your list of fears. Will your husband/wife really laugh at you for wanting to write? Do you really not have any talent? (What about your writing teacher or critique partner who loves your stories?) Will you really go insane like all the famous writers you’ve read about? (Well, actually, you might. . . just kidding!) In The Courage to Write, Ralph Keyes says, “All writers must confront their fears eventually. The sooner they do this, the better their work will be.”

Besides, if you don’t, you’ll go from blocked to frozen, then give up. Quitting is failing. While none of us may ever totally conquer our writing fears—and some experts say that this writing “anxiety” is actually indispensable writing energy—we can rise above the fears sufficiently so that we can work. And in doing the work, day in and day out, the fears begin to dissolve. They become like the monster we were so sure, as children, that lurked under our bed. After enough years of NOT being eaten alive at night or being grabbed by the ankles when we jumped out of bed, we finally concluded the monster was in our imagination and forgot about it. Most of your writing fears will do the same thing IF you face them and feel them—and write anyway.

(Come back Friday for ways to deal with the fears.)

Key #2: Think Like a Writer

Published on by Kristi Holl

We’ve talked about the benefits of writing in flow, in that relaxed timeless state, and we’ve talked about the first key to developing this skill: have a reason to write.

Today let’s look at Key #2: thinking like a writer. These keys are based on Susan Perry’s Writing in Flow.

CHANGE MY THINKING?

We all think like writers already, or we wouldn’t be writing, correct? True enough, but in this series we’re concentrating on developing the ability to write in flow. Do writers who frequently write deeply and easily think differently?

Yes, it appears that they do. They have a certain set of attitudes, based on hundreds of Perry’s interviews. If we study these attitudes and beliefs and incorporate them into our own thinking, we should also be able to write in flow, be more productive, and enjoy the writing more.

WRITER ATTITUDES

This doesn’t mean you need a new personality. Quite the contrary. Be who you are, Perry says. “When you work with what comes naturally to you rather than struggling against it—whether it’s your preference for an uncluttered work space or your tendency to do the opposite when those little voices in your head suggest that you ought to be answering those letters rather than writing a poem—you can apply your energy to what matters most to you.”

Another attitude, especially with writers in the early years, has to do with spending free time pursuing writing. They may be “troubled by the niggling feeling that taking too much time for their writing is slightly selfish because it’s like stealing time from their family,” Perry says. “If you identify with that second attitude, naturally you might find it more difficult to let go and focus fully when you do sit down to write.”

This attitude is easy to overcome after you are published and making money at your writing. Before that, I found that I got over the guilt when I took my writing time from my own free time activities—my sleep, TV, time with my friends. I gave up my own “extras” instead of taking it from the family, and then I didn’t feel guilty. It’s very hard to relax and write “in flow” when you’re feeling guilty!

RISK TAKING

Relaxing into flow—that essential letting go—can feel risky to certain personality types like mine. I don’t like risks, and I spend too much time probably trying to avoid risks. I would love it if I could make all my loved ones stop taking risks too! However, being afraid to take risks in your writing can stifle you as a writer.

“Taking risks, of whatever kind, can be especially challenging to those who can’t bear to give up control,” Perry says. “You can learn to open yourself to the unexpected, which is such a rich source of creative insight, by giving up control in small ways.” Remember, we’re talking about taking risks in your writing. You can certainly still control all the things in your environment that help you get into the flow state: clean desk, soft music, set daily routines, writing in certain locations, whatever you need.

For many writers, taking risks with your writing—in subject matter, in tone—can be scary. What will XXX think? (XXX = your editor, your mother, your spouse, the critics…) If you are focused on the fear of taking risks and what others will think, you can’t relax enough to enter the flow state.

One day I realized that in order to avoid that feeling, I only had to promise myself never to show the story to anyone if I didn’t want to. It never had to see the light of day, never had to offend anyone or hurt someone’s feelings. That decision helped me to write freely. And when I’d get to a place in the story that set off internal alarm bells (“You can’t say that!”), I said to myself (out loud), “No one ever needs to see this. I can say what I want. I can always change it later if I want to.” Writing this way, there is no risk involved whatsoever—and you can’t fail.

BE FULLY ABSORBED

Being fully absorbed in your work is very close to working in flow. And it’s a decision you can choose to make more often. Being fully absorbed means you “are deeply immersed in some activity as to be impervious to distractions…As a personality trait, absorption reflects the degree of your tendency to become deeply engaged in movies, nature, past events, fantasy or anything else.”

This type of person will have an easier time entering the flow state, which requires an ability to become deeply engaged and weed out distractions. A fully absorbed person can watch a good movie or read a good book and forget (temporarily) about negative distractions like his hunger, his headache, and her fight with her spouse—or lovely distractions like the phone, a beautiful day outside, or the cake in the kitchen.

BECOME CONFIDENT

You don’t start out writing with confidence or the ability to bounce back from rejection. You will need to find ways to master your fears, find confidence in your own writing voice, plus deal with isolation and self-doubt. All writers have to do this. I wrote many years with no confidence whatsoever. It can be done, but it’s rather torturous. I wasn’t writing in the enjoyable, timeless flow we’re talking about.

If you want help in this area, I highly recommend Cecil Murphey’s book called Unleash the Writer Within: the Essential Writers’ Companion. Rather than working to overcome your weaknesses, the author shows you how to make friends with them and turn them into strengths. He deals with helping you find your real voice, like yourself, deal with the inner critic in an usual way, shatter writer’s block, and more. And he does all this in such a kind, straightforward and transparent way. Cec Murphey has millions of books in print and speaks from experience.

LONG-TERM PREPARATION FOR WRITING

If you have several attitudes mentioned above that need adjusting, you can’t just sit down and decide to think like a writer right now, so you can slip into flow. It takes time, depending on your mental attitudes at this time.

Developing the above attitudes will help you tolerate anxiety, be more open to new experiences, and learn to trust the writer you already are. If you feel like you need help in this area of “writerly attitudes that benefit you,” Unleash the Writer Within is my suggestion for you. I wish I’d had this book thirty years ago.

I’ve given you a lot to think about this week on the subject of writing in flow. Next week we’ll begin with Key #3: Loosen Up!

 

Voices of Self-Sabotage

Published on by Kristi Holl

[This is a repeat post because I’m out of town. I think the message is one we need to be reminded of.]

You’ve often heard the phrase “you are your own worst enemy.” Does this apply to you when trying to create a writing life you love? It certainly applies to me!

How does this enemy within keep you from moving ahead with your writing dreams? By telling you lies. Some are bold-faced lies. Some are wrapped in soft wool. Some lies ridicule you, while others sound downright comforting. What do all these voices in your head have in common?

They’re instruments of self-sabotage. They convince you to give up.

Who’s Talking Now?

There are many voices inside your head. You must listen and decide who’s doing the talking at any particular moment. Some voices are easy to recognize; some are so subtle you’ll be shocked. First, you have the…

Voice of the Inner Critic

It whispers words like “What makes you think you have anything interesting to say?” “You’re no good.” “That junk will never sell.” “You’re actually going to show that story to somebody?” The Inner Critic beats you down with criticism. Sometimes this voice bears a remarkable similarity to that of your mother, your spouse, or your junior high English teacher.

As Julia Cameron says in The Artist’s Way at Work, creativity requires a sense of inner safety, something like a fortress. “In order to have one, you must disarm the snipers, traitors and enemies that may have infiltrated your psyche.”

I spent years fighting my Inner Critic’s voice with positive affirmations and gritted teeth. “Oh, yes, I can!” was my motto. In time, my Inner Critic was quieted, only speaking out when I got an unexpected rejection or bad review. Yet I still wasn’t creating the writing life I dreamed of. Something was holding me back. It took me a long time to realize I still had voices in my head, because the tone and words had changed.

Do any of the following voices live inside your head and keep you from fully pursuing your writing dreams? Listen and see.

Voice of Responsibility

This voice sounds so adult, so sensible. It tells you to grow up, to get your head out of the clouds and your feet back on the ground. “You’re neglecting your children (or your job),” says this voice. “Look at your messy kitchen (or yard or garage).” “You have no business hiring someone else to mow the lawn so you can write!” “You’d better walk the poor dog first.”

Guilt is piled on by this voice, and you crumble under its weight. You put your writing dream on the back burner until a time when you’re less burdened by responsibility.

Voice of Intimidation

This voice is snide and cryptic. It slaps your hand when you try to crawl out of the box that is your life and declare yourself a writer. “Who do you think you are?” this voice asks. “You’ll make a fool of yourself!”

Doubt and low self-worth take these statements as the truth, and that of course only serves to further lower your self-esteem. Cowering, you crawl back in the box and close the lid on your dreams.

(The rest of the article on self-sabotage (which also includes the voices of fear, compassion, and procrastination) is here. It’s from the “Creating the Writing Life You Love” section of my Writer’s First Aid: Getting Organized, Getting Inspired, and Sticking to It.

A Life Changing Journal: Defeat Your Writing Fears

Published on by Kristi Holl

“The key point to note is not the therapeutic effects of writing in a journal but rather the fact that regular journal keeping will influence the way you think or feel about a specific topic.”
That startling statement is from Angela Booth’s article called “Change Your Life with Your Journal.”
Now, I’ve journaled off and on for years. I journaled through many down periods in my life, and it was very therapeutic. (Any Julia Cameron “Morning Pages” fans out there?) But Angela’s statement above caught my eye–and it hooked me in.

What a Mental Shift!

What big change did Angela accomplish in her writing career by using journaling? It’s a change I would give almost anything to also achieve! This is the leap of growth that journaling allowed her to make:
“I could see that unless I changed my reluctance to market my writing, I would be stuck at a level of income I knew I could surpass… Journaling helped me change my mind about marketing my writing. I went from someone who became physically ill at the thought of sending out query letters and making cold calls to market my copywriting, to someone who LOVES marketing.”
What a change!

Let Me See…

I tried her idea this morning. In my journal I wrote about a writing task I had put off for weeks–and it had grown in my mind to mammoth proportions. I wrote about why I didn’t want to do it, what I feared would happen if I failed, all that angst stuff.
And then later I sat down to do that task, wondering if the journaling had helped. I got the job done–it took 25 minutes according to my kitchen timer–and minus the angst. I was amazed.

Fears Be Gone!

Give this idea a try with something in your writing life that has you stumped or scared or blocked. It can be anything: writing a query letter, taking a story to your critique group, talking to someone at a conference…

Tell us your experience with journaling toward an attitude change. [And I apologize for the weird spacing and fonts today. I simply canNOT get it fixed!!!]

What Fear is Holding You Back?

Published on by Kristi Holl

reinsI’ve been reading a book on how fear affects writing (and art-making of all kinds). Fear is what holds many (even most) of us back from being the writers we dream of being–and probably could be.

Art & Fear suggests that these fears fall into two main categories: (1) fears about yourself, and (2) fears of how others will receive your work.

The fears about yourself prevent you from doing your best work. Fears about your reception by others prevent you from doing your own work.

The Great Pretender (or fears about self)

When you doubt your own abilities, you feel like a fake, an impostor. You feel like your best work was an accident, a happy fluke that you can’t seem to duplicate. It feels as if you’re going through the motions of being a writer–typing, reading how-to books and magazines, attending conferences–but you suspect that you don’t really know what you’re doing. (And we wrongly assume that all those other writers DO know what they’re doing.)

You also suspect you don’t have any real talent. After all, talented people perform their art with ease. Writers might start out that way, but inevitably you reach a point (if you’re truly working) where it definitely is NOT easy! You take that as a sign that you don’t really have enough talent to be a writer after all. (Truth: talent is a gift, and most people have enough talent. Probably 95% of success is what you do with it–and for writers, that means showing up at the page consistently.)

These fears WILL keep you from doing your best work.

Whose Priorities Count? (or fears about others)

The best writing is not produced by committee. It’s produced when a writer who is passionate about an idea is left alone to create. At these times we aren’t even thinking about others.

Problems arise when we confuse others’ priorities with our own. In our heads, we hear these critical voices. (Some come from our pasts, some from current writing friends, some from what we read in magazines and publishing journals.) Since published writers depend on reviews for sales, what others think has to matter at some point. However, when others’ opinions–how they think we should write–influences you too much and too soon in the process, you stop writing what you truly love and start writing what “they” have said is better or more salable.

Wanting to be understood is a basic need, and writers want others to understand their stories. They don’t want to be booed off the stage for being too different. (We all learned at an early age the dangers of being considered different or weird.) So the inner war continues with writers: can I find the courage to be true to what I need to write, or will I buckle to others’ opinions so I have a better chance of being received well? Buckling to fears of being misunderstood makes you dependent on your readers or audience.

These fears WILL keep you from doing your own work.

Ponder This…

This coming week, when you’re out scooping snow or taking a walk, give these two questions some thought:

What fears do you have about yourself that prevent you from doing your BEST work?

What fears about your reception by others prevents you from doing your OWN work?

And if you’re REALLY brave, leave a comment about one (or both). It will give me ideas for future topics!

Weakened Mind Anxiety (Part 2)

Published on by Kristi Holl

Last week we talked about “weakened mind anxiety” and what that feels like.

Symptoms that rear their ugly heads just before you try to write include fatigue, foggy brain, depression and an urge to cry/sleep/watch TV/surf the ‘Net. (from Fearless Creating by Eric Maisel)

What’s the Problem?

Before we talk about solutions, I think it would be helpful to explore why we experience so much anxiety when trying to do creative work. For me, at least, understanding is half the battle.

Mastering Creative Anxiety (another book by Eric Maisel) talks about various reasons this occurs. One or more (or all of them!) may apply to you. As with most ailments, different causes require different solutions.

1. Desire for Excellence

We love books. We love to read. We have stories we’ve treasured since childhood. We have high standards when it comes to what we like to read.

We doubt the quality of our work as we measure it against these high standards and strive to make our work excellent. We know the quality of writing we dream of producing. The gap between our desire and what we actually write causes high anxiety.

2. Negative Self-Talk

Our thoughts dictate, to a large degree, what our anxiety level is on any given day. Think thoughts like “I’ll always be mediocre” or “I’ll never sell another book” or “I have no idea what I’m doing,” and you’ll procrastinate into a major writing block.

Thoughts like this are not just “unhelpful.” They are damaging to a huge degree, pulling us further down in a black hole.

3. The Creative Process Itself

I had never thought of this, but Maisel is so right when he talks about the creative process being exactly the opposite of how we spend the rest of our days, so it goes against the grain.

As he points out, our entire days are spent trying to avoid mistakes and “get it right.” You get up at the right time, you eat the right foods (or try to), drive on the right side of the road, use your computer correctly so it doesn’t malfunction, etc. Your whole day and mind are aimed at not making mistakes and avoiding unnecessary risks. Maisel points out:

“Then, somehow, you must shift from that way of being and thinking to a radically different state, one in which mistakes and messes are not only possible and probable but downright guaranteed. Of course that makes you anxious!”

4. Procrastinating

Procrastination produces anxiety. We feel immobilized and trapped by our own resistance. It erodes our self-image.

Whatever caused us initially to block only grows with procrastination. It is, says Maisel,

“a classic vicious cycle, in which our new anxiety prevents us from dealing with whatever provoked our initial anxiety and caused us to procrastinate.”

The Good News

Now that we’ve defined and described weakened mind anxiety, and we’ve considered the main causes, we’ll be ready next week to discuss the anxiety-management skills that can defeat it!

Weakened Mind Anxiety (Part 1)

Published on by Kristi Holl

For the past week, I’ve been suffering from “weakened mind anxiety,” according to Eric Miasel’s Fearless Creating. It’s the anxiety that comes when you begin a piece of work.

It’s not the anxiety that comes from choosing an idea. It’s not anxiety from developing characters and plot. It’s not anxiety produced by setting some deadlines.

It’s the anxiety that grips us when we try to actually begin the writing—and what can prevent us from ever getting started.

Symptoms of Weakened Mind Anxiety

How do you know if you have weakened mind anxiety? (Don’t be alarmed if all these symptoms feel familiar. There are some very workable solutions we’ll talk about later.)

Symptoms of “weakened mind anxiety” can be experienced as:

  • Fatigue
  • Heaviness
  • Fog in the brain
  • Depression
  • Apathy
  • Boredom
  • Emptiness
  • Dullness
  • Stupidity
  • Desire to cry/sleep/watch TV/surf the Internet

All the symptoms—and I experienced most of them every day last week—do not mean you’re a failure, or the story isn’t ready to be written, or that you’re not a “real” writer. They are simply the physical and mental consequences of anxiety.

As Maisel says, “Your mind has weakened in the face of the difficulties you believe will engulf you if and when you begin.”

We’re In This One Together

The inexperienced wannabe writer and the experienced published writer both go through this. It’s not because you’re a beginner. And it may not happen all the time. I never, ever have this issue with nonfiction.

Nonfiction feels like term papers from school, and those were always easy for me, so I expect nonfiction to be easier. It’s just something to sit down and do. But for me—and many of my fellow writers—spinning a fiction tale out of thin air feels as comfortable as bungee jumping.

What’s a Writer To Do?

There are inappropriate (and harmful) ways to treat this weakened mind anxiety. There are also appropriate (and helpful) ways to treat it. (We’ll talk about both cases next week.)

However, not writing is not a solution—not if you’re called to write and it’s your dream. As Fran Lebowitz said,

“Not writing is probably the most exhausting profession I’ve ever encountered. It takes it out of you. It’s very psychically wearing not to write—I mean if you’re supposed to be writing.”

Maisel says when you feel like this that your mind has lost its muscle tone. I love that image. Next week we’ll talk about getting rid of that mind flab—and getting it back in shape to create.

Calming the Writer's Soul

Published on by Kristi Holl

I sat down to write four times this morning, but my mind simply wouldn’t stop jumping the tracks.

One second I’d be thinking, “This backstory paragraph slows down the opening and should be moved.” The next minute, with a catch in my throat, I was thinking about Laurie again.

Get a Grip!

My daughter is on her fourth deployment (Afghanistan this time). Being her fourth tour, you’d think I’d have a better system for mind control, but not today, for some reason.

I pray a lot, email her, try to write, and it lasts for just a few minutes. So, like all writers who can’t focus, I check email. I love Thomas Kinkade paintings, and someone had emailed me the above picture. I just sat and stared at it for a moment, feeling the peace steal over me.

Peace Like a River

While I don’t often have time to steal away and sit by a stream–something always so calming–I plan to “sit” by my Thomas Kinkade stream several times today. I made it the photo on my desktop, so all I have to do is minimize what I’m working on, and there it is!

Without leaving my computer, I can walk along that little footpath, sit on a rock by the stream, and watch the water flow by. What a great use of technology and our imaginations. When my worries have floated away, I can go back to work.

Writing is a mental activity, so emotional issues interrupt that activity. During stressful times, find things that work to calm you…and then pick up your pen again. [NOTE: if you have a simple idea like this one that works for you, please share it!]