Spiral UP? Or spiral DOWN? Your choice!

For over a year, I’ve been dealing with three difficult circumstances that impacted everything, causing one downward spiral after another. Since I tend to handle things privately, I disappeared from social media. 

But this fall, I felt the urge to get back to thriving instead of simply surviving.

Easy to say, but hard to do!

Self-Examination

I had picked up some escapist survival habits that were more engrained than I first believed. I had great intentions at the beginning of the day; however, failure to follow through happened with regularity (like many times daily). One or two poor choices flipped me into that excuse of “I’ve ruined today, so I’ll start again tomorrow.”

I don’t think I’ve had a perfect day yet where I made good eating choices, writing choices, and relationship choices without fail. And my lightning quick brain finally realized perfection wasn’t EVER going to be possible. Not this side of heaven anyway. But I finally learned something critical that improved every area that needed healing:

Every poor choice is the beginning of a spiral. Like a circular staircase, you can either spiral up or down. You always have two options, and you get to choose.”

Spiral Down Fast

Each day contains at least one poor choice we make. (Often it is several.) A poor choice is one that doesn’t fit your goals. It could be a writing goal, a health goal, a time management goal, or a relationship goal.

A poor choice could be

  • scrolling social media during your writing time,
  • eating two sugary donuts,
  • binge watching TV till midnight, or
  • snapping at your child.

Your first poor choice is your critical choice moment

You can make a poor choice and SPIRAL DOWNWARD FAST. Imagine yourself at the top of this twisty slide. One push, and down you go, around and around until you hit bottom.

Practically speaking, what might that look like?

  • You can decide that the day is already ruined when you eat a donut for breakfast. So, you eat junk food and sugar bombs the rest of the day.
  • You feel guilty, so you add binge watching a favorite TV series until you are blotto.
  • You put away your manuscript again to tend to your headache, and
  • give the obstinate child the silent treatment for good measure.

Choice #2: Spiral Up (Slowly but Steadily)

On the other hand, you can make THE VERY SAME POOR CHOICE, then decide to SPIRAL UP SLOWLY, STEP BY TINY STEP, instead. 

You can stop the downward trajectory immediately by taking a small step UP.

  • After your donut, you might brush your teeth or plan a healthy lunch.
  • You might close all the live streaming tabs on your laptop.
  • You might turn to where you left off during your last writing session and re-read the page.
  • You might apologize to the child and hold her on your lap for a minute.
  • You might take a slow, five-minute walk to interrupt your negative thinking.

Continual Choices

Yes, the upward spiral is a slower path, but it’s a steady path of growth. The steps up don’t have to be big at all. And you can take lots of pauses to refresh with a stretch or walk around the yard or enjoy some planned treat with a favorite book.

The downward spiral that comes with several poor choices is a slippery, speedy easy path that comes with a hard landing. But even then, it’s not all over.

Pick yourself up at the bottom of the slide. Choose the upward spiral staircase right away, and just focus on the smallest step right in front of you. And after a pause, when you’re ready, take another step up. And eventually another. 

Every single poor choice throughout your week is just the beginning of a spiral. But whether you spiral up or down is entirely up to you. It really is. Pause. Relax. Breathe deeply. (And if you’re like me, pray for help.)

REMEMBER: the poor choice is the first step in both sequences. The direction (of your day, your week, and ultimately your life) is your CHOICE.

 

At home with C. S. Lewis…in Oxford!

Jack’s desk upstairs

Last week I got to fulfill a big dream of mine by attending a week-long summer seminar at The Kilns, the home of C. S. Lewis just outside of Oxford in the UK. There were 14 students, and we were together from breakfast till late every night, learning about Jack, his life, his family, his books, his ministries, his war years, his impact on the Christian world…

Our group: 14 students, 2 teachers, our driver, and two guests (ages 96 and 100) who both knew C.S. Lewis personally and told the BEST stories!

Our two teachers were excellent, and the discussions were fascinating (whether at the Kilns, or on walks around Oxford and Cambridge where Jack taught, or on paths by the river, or in pubs for great food or the gardens outside having tea, or after worshipping in Jack’s church, or visiting his grave–as well as Tolkien’s and Churchill’s…)

Well, I can’t describe the magic. It was eight full days of being with kindred souls, and sometimes you felt you JUST MIGHT meet C.S. Lewis coming down the stairs, or sitting in his favorite “smoke a pipe” spot by his pond, or fixing a “cuppa” (tea) in the kitchen, or writing at his smaller upstairs desk. I took hundreds of photos, but here are a few.
Some of the nicest people I’ve ever met!
common room
Looking out on the garden from common room
Side door; stairs above me go up to Jack’s bedroom.
Tea or supper in the garden was heavenly. So many flowers blooming everywhere…and no mosquitoes! Doors and windows were left open with no screens!
Jack’s and Warnie’s (older brother Warren) grave. (I saw graves with up to 7 people buried in one spot.)
The “Narnia window” in the church Jack attended. We worshipped there on Sunday. Lovely service.
Magdalen (pronounced Maud-lun) College at Oxford, where Jack taught. His rooms were on the second floor in the middle.
Chapel at Oxford University
College rooms at Oxford
Famous icon in Oxford if you watch Masterpiece Theater on PBS. “Morse,” “Lewis,” and “Endeavor” were all set here.
Central Oxford
Chapel at Magdalen College
Dining hall at Oxford
One of my favorite pubs…all those books!
Another great pub…many of the pubs had outdoor areas to linger and talk.
Churchill’s favorite pub

 

Outside Churchill’s parish church
After Oxford, Jack taught at Cambridge University (Magdalene College).
Cambridge classrooms
Cambridge chapel
Inspiration for “The Hobbit”
Punts on the river were flat-bottomed boats propelled along very quietly by someone with a long pole.
A Cambridge church over 1,000 years old!
Many swans throughout the UK. For seventy years, they were “The Queen’s Swans.” Now they belong to the King, and you do NOT touch!
A “crazy American” built this (according to a shopkeeper.) So glad America contributed to Oxford’s culture..ha!

Stop Adding, and Try Subtracting!

I woke up feeling sick today, and it is my own fault. I ate both gluten and sugar yesterday, and a lot of it, which is a no-no if I want to feel well.

My writing to-do list was daunting, and while I wanted to make great strides ahead today, I just didn’t have the oomph. 

Then I remembered something my favorite habits guy, James Clear, said in his article, To Make Big Gains, Avoid Tiny Losses.”

In many cases, improvement is not about doing more things right, but about doing less things wrong… Improvement by addition is focused on doing more of what does work. Improvement by subtraction is focused on doing less of what doesn’t work.

Best Choice Today!

I’m too “under the weather” today to improve by ADDING more to my plate: not write faster, or write a longer period of time, or read a productivity book. Today I’m going to improve by SUBTRACTING things that don’t work: poor food choices, binge watching a show, and checking email every five minutes. Can I really make writing improvements that way?

[UPDATE LATER: I didn’t add various strategies in order to write more today. I simply subtracted (1) my poor food choices, (2) the presence of my phone for two hours, and (3) closed all social media tabs for the morning. And despite feeling rather rotten physically, I wrote more this morning than I have all week. Thank you, James Clear, for reminding me that there are  two paths to improvement.

Audio Day 8, May 16, England

Day 8, May 16, England: Fun day today! My writing morning flew by, and this afternoon I had tea and scones at a museum coffee house with another writer friend, Sarah Lister. We met at The Folly, a café within the museum. I’m attending her school presentation tomorrow at the local church graveyard.

Those kids are in for a treat!

Best gluten-free scone ever!

Sarah’s latest two books. She has been my best source of material for Book 2 in my work-in-slow-progress trilogy.

Delightful and so very funny, Sarah Lister!

 

 

 

Day 7, May 15, England

I did more writing than walking today.

However, even on short walks, there are things to see!

 

(Delicate purple flowers growing out of the drystone wall)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yum! If I were home, I’d make a little pie.

White lilac (more a tree than a bush), but oh! the scent!

a toy store decked out for last week’s coronation, complete with a photo op golden carriage at the bottom and the royal family at the upper window

I will never, ever, ever get tired of this view!

 

 

 

Day 6, May 14, England

Today, I’m going to show you the little “British touches” in my cottage that I love and will miss back in Texas: the architecture (crooked beams above the windows and slabs of stone above the fireplace and door), the skeleton key lock and letter box (the “plop” of the village magazine landing on the mat always takes me by surprise), the little egg cups and egg timer, my teapot and breadbox, my fireplace, and British commercials! It’s the little things that I love the most.

 

Day 5, May 13, England

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I walked to the train station this afternoon. It was 65 and sunny, and I never saw so many people walking around with ice cream cones.

A steam train was scheduled to pass through (but not stop) about 4:00.  Here are the train station, the stationmaster’s house, the old water tower and coal house (for use back when steam engines were prevalent), and the Settle signal box, which is now a fascinating museum. Enjoy!

 

Day 4, England, May 12

Despite no rain in the forecast for two days, it feels like time to settle in today and do some solid writing. (But yes, I’ll take “walk breaks” today.)

I’ve received a few questions about the cottage I’m staying in for three weeks. This is my third time here, and it feels like home. Here’s a tiny guided tour through The Old Brewhouse on Constitution Hill!

The kitchen, dining area (which is my writing spot), and the living room are on the ground floor. Downstairs is the bedroom and bath and a door out to the private garden and laundry room (watch your head!) Pretend you’re opening the front door and walking in…

Day 3, May 11, England

Day 3: my walk with Julia…

I met Julia Chapman five years ago, and she’s become a dear writing friend. This morning she took me up into the “bluebell woods” (Wharfe Woods) near the village of Austwick, where she lives.  https://www.yorkshiredales.org.uk/be-inspired/what-to-do/the-yorkshire-dales-in-spring/ We saw dozens of lambs, bluebells, wild lavender orchids, yellow cowslips, ivory primroses, wild garlic, and other wildflowers. (It’s absolutely stunning what a well-watered countryside can produce—no offense to Texas.)

From the bluebell woods:

Writers are the same on both sides of the pond, and we talked nonstop all things publishing. It was such a joy to see Julia again. Her books are for sale everywhere, including the beautiful local Limestone Books bookstore.

Stone bridge several hundred years old…

Wild lavender orchid

Primroses

A stile built of stones projecting from the drystone wall

See the little lamb behind me with its mama!

Lots and lots of little bleating lambs…my favorite thing!

Stopped in a pub/café on the way home and found this in the “loo”!

England: Day 2, May 10, 2023

I took three walks today, just to get reacquainted with the village and buy food. (England has the BEST gluten-free bread!) Photos today include a few historic buildings in the village plus the surrounding hills, limestone crags, fields with new lambs, drystone walls zigzagging uphill, and everything so GREEN! Everywhere you turn, something is blooming in flower boxes, hanging baskets, and tiny gardens. Enjoy!

Left: Gallery on the green: this phone booth has been converted into a local art gallery. I don’t know how often it changes, but at this time, it features a book by a writer/historian I know here. 

Below: Old street sign pointing to neighboring villages and the way to London! Embedded into a stone wall on what must have been a main thoroughfare several hundred years ago. 

I never get tired of this view: the stunning hills (fells, they call them), and the sheep. Lots of new lambs! [The third one is a poor sheep with its head caught in a traffic cone!]

And now…some of the flowers!